It’s the way they say it.


I recently heard about an acquaintance who had died.  I did not know this man very well at all and only knew about this because of the business circle  and so word got around.  I was sad for the family and friends of this young man.  Later one of his associates mentioned that he had died from depression.

“I am in that temper that if I were under water I would scarcely kick to come to the top.” ―           John Keats

Now, being a person who suffers from “Recurrent Major Depression” I am aware of the stigma attached to depression. Those who don’t understand depression or have never had a depressive episode often just don’t get it. They are the ones who will tell others to “snap out of it.”

Depression is often not seen as an illness. People would rather say that a person committed suicide than say that a person died of depression. When people die of other illnesses, their deaths aren’t described in detail; just the name of their illness will be used yet not so with depression; there will always be the description.

“I thought the most beautiful thing in the world must be shadow, the million moving shapes and cul-de-sacs of shadow. There was shadow in bureau drawers and closets and suitcases, and shadow under houses and trees and stones, and shadow at the back of people’s eyes and smiles, and shadow, miles and miles and miles of it, on the night side of the earth.”
Sylvia PlathThe Bell Jar  

My point is that depression is a real illness; people do die from it.  It is not a feeling of being just sad or blue; it is a dark, and lonely place, which very few understand or even try to understand.   Please be kind to those who suffer from it.

“Every man has his secret sorrows which the world knows not; and often times we call a man cold when he is only sad.”
Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

This is the reason I started blogging. I found it to be a good way of telling it the way I see and feel it. The thing that makes me very sad, and lately especially, don’t know why, but when I look back and see what a deep dark hole I was in at one particular time, I feel so ashamed. Logically that is silly, isn’t it, because I should look back and think about how I held on with all my might… I should think that way, but I don’t.

I am grateful to have held on and that I was able to use the little courage I had to keep going.

It’s a Sin


My neighbour had the most beautiful, gorgeous, very green and leafy nut-tree growing down the bottom edge of his garden.  A few Sundays ago I was woken by the grating sounds of a chainsaw, only to find that he had people in to cut that glorious tree down.  I was so sad.

When he moved in a few years ago I thought he was lucky to be moving in to a house with such a lovely established garden.  Then it was fuller with lovely shrubs and trees, but he also decided to hack away at them too, although he left the lovely big tree standing.  I was pleased to see that he had not taken that lovely tree down then, but as you have read, he chopped it down now.

I cannot understand why people do this.  This neighbour of mine is doctor,  now surely one would think that he would have a bit more sense than that.  In my eye’s, it is surely is a sin. 


ghost finished

Whenever I am at the ocean I always feel humbled at the absolute power and beauty of the sea.
Here, I was sitting on the beach, once again pondering us humans and the universe. I took a few shots of people playing on the beach.
With my latest batch of photos, I have tried to capture humans compared to our world and the universe compared with us humans and how we are really one.
You will understand why I was most pleased to find this photo in my collection of shots.  The photo is not technically perfect, but the image is unexpected.
There is probably some sort of technical explanation, but for me it was something else…

A few insignificant things that I feel like telling someone…

I lost my watch this weekend.  I don’t know how or where.  I thought that perhaps the clasp loosened and the watch fell off without me noticing it as it was quite loose-fitting.  It was given to me quite a few years ago and it has huge sentimental value.  It was also the first time that someone gave me something quite so posh.  I have retraced my steps.  I was at a restaurant on Saturday and home on Sunday.  No one has seen it.
Yesterday morning, I had started filling the bath with water when the girls spoiled me with mother’s day gifts.  I closed the bathroom door behind me because HRH (my cat) loves trying to catch the water and I am often afraid that he will fall in.  I was so touched at how sweet my daughters were being that I forgot the tap running.  When I remembered, I charged to the bathroom to find that the water was spilling from the top of the bath… It made me realise how very forgetful I can be; a depression symptom they tell me.
I woke up with a headache which is still pounding away at my temples. Urgh…
Thanks for listening/reading even though everything is so trivial.

When I hear it…

catcharacter_FotorThe Daily Prompt
What is the one word or phrase that immediately cheers you up when you hear it?
There are many things that cheer me up, but in reply to the prompt today, it is not a phrase or a word, but rather the purring of my cat.  There have been so many times lately, that I have been feeling rather low, but then my cat will suddenly appear, sit on my lap and start purring.  
The amount of comfort and calmness he brings with him is actually quite amazing.  Can you just imagine if cats could talk, what wonderful therapists they would make?  I can just picture my cat purring at me in a low voice saying something like “Tell me my dear, what is it that makes your heart so heavy sometimes?”  I know, for sure, that he would understand every word I say… as he does now ❤
For: The Daily Prompt


Standing in judgement – an on the couch post.


We all judge people, no matter how much we think we don’t or say we don’t.  I think it is natural human instinct to judge.  When we meet someone new, we automatically make an assessment.  It is how we make the assessment that is the crux of the matter.  If we are judging another according to their clothes and jewellery, well then that judgement will be on that particular superficial level, and we may miss a few points which may be of interest.
If we are are analysing what others say and their behaviour towards ourselves and other people, well that is judgement too.  I think it is almost impossible not to judge or assess.  In this world it has become a necessity.  One needs to be able to pin-point those who may be harmful individuals and those that are not.  I’m not saying that everyone is a harmful person at all, but we need to know where we stand at all times.
The reason I am thinking in this way is because I often just took most people at face value only to find I was very wrong.  I was very naive in many ways.  In my judgement of myself now, looking back, I reckon it was because I had a person in my young life who meant harm to me, and I thought that he was the only one, but did not realise the world is dotted with people like this all over.
We are told not to judge.  For the Christians the Bible tells people not to judge.  Perhaps I don’t understand judgement fully.   Perhaps we are allowed to judge (whitely) like a white lie, but not act upon that judgement, but rather be aware and listen to our intuition.
Is it judgemental to listen to our intuition or make assessments? I think not.  Our brains are constantly formulating opinions, and I think our intuition plays a huge role in our thought process.
Now that I’ve managed to get the words out of what has been turning around in my mind, my conclusion it that it is ok to make an assessment of an individual as long as it is in protection of our nearest and dearest, ourselves and others of course..  It is not ok to judge people who are not causing any harm, but whose views may be different to ours and who live their lives in a different way to ours.
Thank you for listening/reading.  I would value your thoughts on this?