Blog, Writing, Mind, Path.

Lily-pThere was a time when I couldn’t stop writing and blogging.  My mind was constantly thinking about writing this and writing that, but then I’d end up writing about something completely different to what I intended writing.

My blog was mostly a sounding board and my psychologist.  That works well when the readers express their views.  I found I had a the opportunity to see things from many different angles because of the different opinions.  I appreciated that very much.  I also appreciated that people actually took the time to read what I had written. I have deleted most of the really heavy posts.

Most of my blog friends will know that I had spoken a lot about abuse and the after effects.  I think I have conquered some of those effects but the serious ones still linger.  The effects I have not spoken about and can’t really speak about now is how ones childhood abuse affects ones choices as an adult.  That typically one just simply moves into another abusive state or situation.

I still write, but I have been advised to write the thing out and burn it.  I have to make sure I watch it burn.  I have a different type of therapist now, her techniques seem to be working well with me.  My deep depressive states that I go into are still there but I’m finding it easier to pull out of them now.

I am now in the middle, I’m not happy, I’m not sad, but I can drop to extremely depressed in a matter of seconds.  This is not a good thing, but I have to pull myself through these times.  Some dark spells last very long and others stay a little while…then my head clears again.

I don’t really know what the point is if writing this, other than feeling very closed in.  I think writing somehow clears a small path to get outside of ones head.  I think it’s time to start writing again to clear a path…