Day 5: Five photos, five stories. The darkness.

Steps BW-pI must admit that when I took on his challenge I did not realise I would be posting so sporadically.  I thought I was better, better enough to post a few posts.

You see, this used to be my place to pour my heart out.  It worked in many ways for me.  Writing here was often a release of bottled up stuff which my fellow humans don’t always understand.  The difference with the blog is if you don’t want to read what has been written, you have the option to just exit and leave.  I would not have a problem with that.

In life though, with fellow humans, they don’t want to hear it, unless of course they’re a shrink who’s getting paid a fortune for me to go and sit there and spill my guts and tears.  He will then whip out his little white pad and start writing out a prescription for me.  All sorts of medications which I should take and then “we’ll” see how I am and it they work.

I battle this depression everyday.  I try to be brave and I put on a brave face. I hide it as much as I can.  It’s tough doing that.  What’s even tougher is when someone who knows my life story will say that the diagnosed depression by a professional is just for “getting attention.”   Oh my word!, if I wanted to get attention I can, in many, many different ways.  Depression would certainly not be my tool to do that.

I’m very sad, my mind is dark…I feel empty, hopeless, closed in…

Thank you for listening.

The photo, it goes hand in hand with my mood.

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21 thoughts on “Day 5: Five photos, five stories. The darkness.

  1. We could have been twins Michelle. I felt exactly the same when I accepted this challenge and I decided never again. I have my days where I want to post and then those days when there is absolutely nothing I even want to do.

    Struggling with depression isn’t fun and it’s certainly not ‘looking for attention’. It’s like you said … there are far better ways of looking for attention and blogging is definitely not one of them.

    You’re right, most fellow humans don’t want to listen to what others are going through. Mostly because they feel they have their own problems and then you get those who just want you to listen because they’re lonely and expect you to be available for them. Most people expect so many things from their fellow human beings and they don’t realise what they are actually doing to them. It’s sad and people like that makes me more sad.

    I wish people who say things like that can only walk for one day in your shoes Michelle. I wonder if they will be able to survive? I don’t think so. One thing I do know is that you are tough and strong and through it all, you are still holding on. Now that sounds like a song, doesn’t it? Or is it a poem? 😆 I have no idea.

    I’m here for you my friend. 😀 ♥ Love & Hugs ♥

  2. Those kind of comments are the ones that really hurt. Who would ever want to feel that sadness and darkness in order to get attention….Also the ones who tell us to just count our blessings. I remember knowing I had been blessed in so many ways, but that didn’t alter the ‘darkness’ I felt nor understanding the ‘whys’ of it all.
    I hope and will pray that your ‘darkness’ will lift and one day….. and each day thereafter, you will realize it’s not quite as bad as it was the day before…. until healing comes and you feel the hope that now eludes you… Diane

  3. I also suffer from depression, so I can totally relate to this post. Luckily the medication I am taking keeps it under control (well, most of the time!). Hugs to you!

  4. Depression has as many causes as it has medications. I am a complete cretin in that regard, not suffering from the disease so my advice is usually the wrong advice. Therefore, no advice from me Esperanza. Just a thought and a prayer every so often – the rest, unfortunately, is for you to deal with. But, as you said, getting rid of the dark stuff here means you’re not carrying it alone anymore and that often lightens the burden if you let it.
    You are in my thoughts.

Namaste. My soul honors your soul. I honor the place in you where the entire universe resides. I honor the light, love, truth, beauty & peace within you, because it is also within me. In sharing these things we are united, we are the same, we are one.

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