Always peering in…


Daily Prompt: Tell us about the experience of being outside, looking in — however you’d like to interpret that.

I smiled when I read the prompt today.  Story of my life I’d say. I seemed to have lived a certain amount of my life peering in from the outside.  What I’m about to tell you is just simple fact, not for sympathy.  I was that kid at school who wasn’t ever part of the crowd, never got invited by the girls to be part of whatever they were up to.   Of course my attire was not at all socially acceptable for my peers.  Yet, I was clean, my clothes were clean, my teeth brushed and hair was combed, but that counts for nothing if you are not in fashion, apparently.  *I edited a section out here in which I was terribly hurt by the things the girls said about me.*   I hated school, I was so tired of being shunned and eventually got to the stage that I disliked people simply because it seemed that their judgements were made on purely superficial level.  I started reading like crazy.  I took a book to school every day and would go and sit under a tree during break, block out the world and just read.
Slowly I started creeping more and more into my shell.   I thought then that the rejection I felt was because I came from the wrong side of the tracks.   I have noticed that one gets a certain sort of attitude or a vibe about oneself when you are struggling or poor.  I don’t think I have that vibe any longer, as I am not in that position anymore, but I do sense it very quickly in others.
When school was over at last, I went to work.  In the few jobs I had I was whipped into management positions very quickly, and I reckon it was because I sailed my own ship.  I cracked the whip when it was needed and did not let the pool of bitches affect me, since I had already been there and done that. Yes, I went home many a night from work and cried a million tears…but as I had learnt at school…I never let a tear drop in front of anyone one who thought to ridicule or criticise me.
I have lived from one end of the scale to the other.  I know what it is like to be poor at a certain level. I obviously know there are and were much worse situations.  At a certain stage of my life I had to be the corporate wife.  I learnt how to purr like a social little kitty when they wanted me to, but I also knew how to block them out from under my layer of purry-ness.
The thing about all these experiences we have though is that we start becoming emotionally self-sufficient.   You start learning that you have yourself as your friend. You must validate yourself.  Yes, it is nice to get recognition from time to time from others, but ultimately, you need to learn to validate yourself. It is nice to have friends, don’t get me wrong, but the true genuine ones are few and far between.  I am grateful for the ones I have. I am also grateful to have learned from the life lessons which were placed before me.

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42 thoughts on “Always peering in…

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  3. What a journey you had had! You show strength in your ability to share it openly, to mourn the losses and to acknowledge where you are now. I am not yet at that place of self validation and I want to be there – you inspire me!

  4. No wonder I feel like such a kindred spirit with you, Hope! I had the same kind of experiences in school growing up. The only time I ever felt part of a group was in music classes, but once class was over, I felt alone again. It has forced me to become my own best friend and has been the positive force for my art, though. Beautiful photo and thanks for sharing!

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  8. So often the reaction from others towards those who are ‘different’ is a form of jealousy, because subconsciously they sense finer qualities they don’t share, and try to mask feelings of inferiority with cruelty and ridicule.

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  11. Beautiful photo, Hopestar. Glad you’ve come through your journey thus far. I think our past experiences really do teach us an awful lot, and equip us for the future. We never stop learning. 🙂 Hugs to you. xx

  12. What a valuable lesson those girls taught you. If you don’t learn to love and value yourself, you truly can’t love anyone else. And now you are a happy hugger, and hug us all!

  13. Stunning shot Michelle and such a great post too hon. I also know the feeling and the only friends I had in school was the library books and just like you I also learned it’s okay to be alone and not feel alone and that you are your own best friend and the only one you can trust. Thanks for sharing hon. 😀 *big hugs*

  14. I had similar experiences at school and not fitting in.. and I wish I had handled it like you did but my insecurities lingered and my feelings got hurt easily… into my working years….. I didn’t validate myself very well…. Diane

  15. You need to love yourself enough and have confidence to go through this life without letting other people’s comments hurt you. Easy said yes, but not taking things personally is the key.

  16. This is so good! I have experienced those things too in milder ways – feeling mostly on the outside and never understanding the inside. Perhaps it all makes us stronger in the long run.

Namaste. My soul honors your soul. I honor the place in you where the entire universe resides. I honor the light, love, truth, beauty & peace within you, because it is also within me. In sharing these things we are united, we are the same, we are one.

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