We all judge people, no matter how much we think we don’t or say we don’t. I think it is natural human instinct to judge. When we meet someone new, we automatically make an assessment. It is how we make the assessment that is the crux of the matter. If we are judging another according to their clothes and jewellery, well then that judgement will be on that particular superficial level, and we may miss a few points which may be of interest.
If we are are analysing what others say and their behaviour towards ourselves and other people, well that is judgement too. I think it is almost impossible not to judge or assess. In this world it has become a necessity. One needs to be able to pin-point those who may be harmful individuals and those that are not. I’m not saying that everyone is a harmful person at all, but we need to know where we stand at all times.
The reason I am thinking in this way is because I often just took most people at face value only to find I was very wrong. I was very naive in many ways. In my judgement of myself now, looking back, I reckon it was because I had a person in my young life who meant harm to me, and I thought that he was the only one, but did not realise the world is dotted with people like this all over.
We are told not to judge. For the Christians the Bible tells people not to judge. Perhaps I don’t understand judgement fully. Perhaps we are allowed to judge (whitely) like a white lie, but not act upon that judgement, but rather be aware and listen to our intuition.
Is it judgemental to listen to our intuition or make assessments? I think not. Our brains are constantly formulating opinions, and I think our intuition plays a huge role in our thought process.
Now that I’ve managed to get the words out of what has been turning around in my mind, my conclusion it that it is ok to make an assessment of an individual as long as it is in protection of our nearest and dearest, ourselves and others of course.. It is not ok to judge people who are not causing any harm, but whose views may be different to ours and who live their lives in a different way to ours.
Thank you for listening/reading. I would value your thoughts on this?
55 thoughts on “Standing in judgement – an on the couch post.”
I think that it is a natural thing to judge others, but this doesn’t make it always acceptable. Judgement often depends on moral codes, values and life choices and I think for me the issue is how somebody chooses to express that judgement. Keeping thoughts and opinions about others to yourself is fine, but voicing judgements about someone who hasn’t done anything is unnecessary…
However, if someone has deliberately gone out of the way to hurt friends and family, that’s a different matter…
how refreshing – a post with depth! out of self-preservation we need to be able to assess/evaluate/judge using our guts and not our eyes! Judgement can go hand in hand with wisdom
I like your distinction between an assessment and judgment. I am awful at first impressions and have to overcome my initial assessments. I immediately wrote off a couple I met one time and now consider them some of my dearest friends. It’s human nature, my nature, and I have to recognize and deal with it. Great post. Thank you.
Thank you for reading, Mark. It is has become a stumbling block for myself too on many occasions. Just getting the hang of assessing people and situations lately.
*hugs*
Yes it is a human nature to judge but how to react and what to do after judging is always in our control…..We can continue growing that judgment into a big mess in our minds or let them go like they never happened. Nice post 🙂
I always thought it was the intention behind the judgement that mattered, as well as some “don’t judge without knowing and understanding the whole story”.
WISE WORDS, WORLD IS FULL OF DECEIVERS, MET SO MANY, WELL DRESSED THE VAST MAJORITY OF THEM, AND I RECKON, WOMEN MEET THEM EVERYDAY, BLESSINGS IN THE NEW YEAR, KEEP THE FAITH
the women of the world are taking over, they were always ahead of men emotionally, they just didn’t realise it, amen
It is quite natural when one first meets a person to take that person at face value but of course one has to be discerning in all relationships. Naturally, if one has had some setbacks in relationships one is extra cautious. Assessing another person’s character is not so easy but it is an essential part in human relationships. I believe that a good relationship works both ways. An interesting topic for discussion, Michelle. 🙂
I believe the assessment we make on first meeting is as old as humanity, which is / was a survival tactic. I like the word appraise better, as in appraising a situation with a person. Not judging other, I feel is about judging them for what they have done, not necessarily to you. Why someone has stolen or doesn’t have a job aren’t obvious and we should not judge them as lazy or whatever else.
This is a wonderful post to start off a new year to better understand ourselves and others.
🙂
Really glad I stumbled upon your site. It makes one good read 🙂
On to the topic, I feel we cannot control if we judge. But we definitely can restrict our-self from acting on those judgement. Particularly one where we judge a person on the basis of superficial stuff- like clothing, jewelry, car, house or even job. These all are superficial according to me. We automatically assume and act like that person will be in a particular way. But, more often than not, they are not.
Judgement sometimes can be correct too as mostly they are intuitive. That’s what the intuition tells us to be with someone or stay away. And it might be a correct thing.
It often turns out the other way and then later we either repent or regret. Instead, we all should give the opposite person the time. Let few initial meetings and judgement pass. Maybe then we can validate on those judgement- whether they hold true or not. If they do, thank your intuition and act accordingly, if they don’t be happy that you didn’t do anything stupid.
This post is bound to get us all thinking! And of course I agree with you that we are all judging and must do that in order to survive. On the other hand there is unfair judgement of people who mean no harm. Shall we judge the judgers or simply ask everyone to keep their judgements to themselves? O.K. -now I am confusing myself! I do think your posts are wonderful though and that is my final judgement.
I evaluate or ‘judge’ a person by their actions and words…….. in order to know whether or not we would have things or ideals or morals in common. I think it would be hard to have a friendship if these basics were not the same as ours. It’s not to say that they are wrong necessarily … only that we wouldn’t ‘mesh’ …. Ultimately it’s only God that can judge our actions Diane
Everyone has first impressions, it’s only natural. I usually take my time to properly judge a person and I am usually always right about them. Very rarely do I “hate” someone from first meeting…but it has been known.
Judgement is central to Christianity and should not be avoided. You cannot – repeat cannot – forgive somebody if you didn’t judge them. So judgement is non-negotiable for all humankind. Where judgement is wrong, however, is when you judge somebody to feed your ego. That is wrong.
I agree with you about the feeding your ego. Never thought about judgement and Christianity in that way though, thanks Amos. You gave me something to think about.
*Hugs*
To judge with the intention to harm, or even gossip, is not correct I think. Many people judge in order to belittle people and I think that is what Jesus was referring to. Like you, I believe it is important to judge whether or not a person will cause you or your loved ones any harm – this would be almost a survival technique that we need in order to navigate modern society.
Interesting post, Hopestar. I think we always need to assess people, in order to interact with them meaningfully, but judgement to me, means criticism. I’m sure you know the old Cherokee Indian proverb, “Never criticise a man until you’ve walked a mile in his moccasins.” I try to remember this, but sometimes it isn’t easy to abide by. 🙂
Great post! I think the best advice that you gave is in essence, Stand firm on your convictions, There is a right way and a wrong way and sometimes we just need to stand out of the way. But we must not change our beliefs just because the majority may say “Its wrong” We are only human, what gives us the right to make up the “rules”. Sometimes it really is best to keep our judgments to ourselves. But sometimes you have to stand in the gap and speak.
Your post reminded me of Matthew 10:16, I send you as sheep among wolves, be shrewd as snakes and innocent as doves. My heart cries for all the times children are made to suffer because no grown up used their wits to take the child away from the person who harm it. I’m sure we are given our wits and ability to assess situations and people. There are people who will harm, and we need to keep away from them. I think in that situation being judgemental is to not allow for that person to perhaps have been ruined by forces he/she could not control. While being able to assess the danger tells us to get out of harms way. To be innocent is to take care that we do not harm others, to be shrewd is to get away, and to take any other victims with us.
As to the superficial judgements we make of each other? I think we all have our issues, sometimes a certain way of dressing or behaving is our shield to be able to handle that, or to not allow others to close to our aches. There are no such thing as a charmed life, only blessings, hope and love even in adversity. Wishing you the best for the new year! Solveig
I guess you are right we all judge people specially when we meet new people, even if we do not want to. We do need to form an opinion. Sometimes we don’t know enough of someone’s life to understand why they are as they are, so it is a very difficult thing. As they say “you should walk a hundred miles in their shoes before you judge.” Everyone has ahistory whihc moulds them so judging is reallly not such a great idea. Very thought provoking post Michelle!
I like to think we assess people when we first meet… judging; one has to know more about them… I think it is impossible to judge someone on first appearance but it is easy to sum up an assessment of what to expect… just my thoughts…
People will always judge others, it’s a natural thing. I think judging is more when you come to your on conclusions about someone even though you don’t know the full circumstances, which normally ends up being a bad judgement. Assessing is more trying to take in all the facts and forming an opinion. I know it sort of sounds like the same thing but I think it’s still a bit different
*hugs*
There is a difference between discernment and judging. In both, you are evaluating a person, thing, or situation. But in the former (discernment), you are leaving yourself out of the equation as much as possible–your personal feelings, beliefs, preconceived notions–and just assessing the person, thing, or situation as objectively as possible. When you judge, you are smack-dab in the middle, using yourself and your beliefs as the measuring stick against which you decide if the person, thing, or situation is “good” or “bad.”
It’s hard (some say impossible) to remove your personal biases from your observations, but being aware of them and trying is a step away from judgment.
I agree with you.
Some years ago a number of bloggers took the stance that nobody had the right to judge another. I responded that it was human nature, and often a necessity, to do just that. I pointed out that the statement itself is a judgment. I was MOST unpopular.
Hope* the happy hugger 
I think that it is a natural thing to judge others, but this doesn’t make it always acceptable. Judgement often depends on moral codes, values and life choices and I think for me the issue is how somebody chooses to express that judgement. Keeping thoughts and opinions about others to yourself is fine, but voicing judgements about someone who hasn’t done anything is unnecessary…
However, if someone has deliberately gone out of the way to hurt friends and family, that’s a different matter…
Yes, I agree with you and like the way you expressed your view. Thanks Suzie.
*Hugs*
You’re welcome! I always enjoy your posts!
Thank you 🙂
how refreshing – a post with depth! out of self-preservation we need to be able to assess/evaluate/judge using our guts and not our eyes! Judgement can go hand in hand with wisdom
It can, thank you Laura.
*Hugs*
I like your distinction between an assessment and judgment. I am awful at first impressions and have to overcome my initial assessments. I immediately wrote off a couple I met one time and now consider them some of my dearest friends. It’s human nature, my nature, and I have to recognize and deal with it. Great post. Thank you.
Thank you for reading, Mark. It is has become a stumbling block for myself too on many occasions. Just getting the hang of assessing people and situations lately.
*hugs*
Only when one has eaten a bag of salt together, then judge, but always remember the first impression as it may be right.
It has happened that I had made a mistake and realised that my first impression was correct. Thanks Newsy.
*Hugs*
Yes it is a human nature to judge but how to react and what to do after judging is always in our control…..We can continue growing that judgment into a big mess in our minds or let them go like they never happened. Nice post 🙂
That is so true, thank you Lala.
*Hugs*
Hugs to you too beautiful xx
I always thought it was the intention behind the judgement that mattered, as well as some “don’t judge without knowing and understanding the whole story”.
Yep, one has to know the story. Thanks El.
*Hugs*
WISE WORDS, WORLD IS FULL OF DECEIVERS, MET SO MANY, WELL DRESSED THE VAST MAJORITY OF THEM, AND I RECKON, WOMEN MEET THEM EVERYDAY, BLESSINGS IN THE NEW YEAR, KEEP THE FAITH
Thank you bw.
*Hugs*
the women of the world are taking over, they were always ahead of men emotionally, they just didn’t realise it, amen
It is quite natural when one first meets a person to take that person at face value but of course one has to be discerning in all relationships. Naturally, if one has had some setbacks in relationships one is extra cautious. Assessing another person’s character is not so easy but it is an essential part in human relationships. I believe that a good relationship works both ways. An interesting topic for discussion, Michelle. 🙂
I agree with you poet and thank you.
*Hugs*
Love and hugs! 🙂
Lovely post Michelle and well said hon. 😀 *hugs*
Thank you Sonel 🙂
*Hugs*
I believe the assessment we make on first meeting is as old as humanity, which is / was a survival tactic. I like the word appraise better, as in appraising a situation with a person. Not judging other, I feel is about judging them for what they have done, not necessarily to you. Why someone has stolen or doesn’t have a job aren’t obvious and we should not judge them as lazy or whatever else.
This is a wonderful post to start off a new year to better understand ourselves and others.
🙂
Thank you so much for your thoughts on this, Tess. Thanks for adding the word “appraise.” I like that.
*Hugs*
🙂
Really glad I stumbled upon your site. It makes one good read 🙂
On to the topic, I feel we cannot control if we judge. But we definitely can restrict our-self from acting on those judgement. Particularly one where we judge a person on the basis of superficial stuff- like clothing, jewelry, car, house or even job. These all are superficial according to me. We automatically assume and act like that person will be in a particular way. But, more often than not, they are not.
Judgement sometimes can be correct too as mostly they are intuitive. That’s what the intuition tells us to be with someone or stay away. And it might be a correct thing.
It often turns out the other way and then later we either repent or regret. Instead, we all should give the opposite person the time. Let few initial meetings and judgement pass. Maybe then we can validate on those judgement- whether they hold true or not. If they do, thank your intuition and act accordingly, if they don’t be happy that you didn’t do anything stupid.
Do leave a feedback on my blog.
Keep in touch. Much love.
Cheers!
Thank you so much for sharing your thoughts and input, I appreciate it.
*Hugs*
This post is bound to get us all thinking! And of course I agree with you that we are all judging and must do that in order to survive. On the other hand there is unfair judgement of people who mean no harm. Shall we judge the judgers or simply ask everyone to keep their judgements to themselves? O.K. -now I am confusing myself! I do think your posts are wonderful though and that is my final judgement.
Thank you, Dor, and I get what you mean 🙂
*Hugs*
I evaluate or ‘judge’ a person by their actions and words…….. in order to know whether or not we would have things or ideals or morals in common. I think it would be hard to have a friendship if these basics were not the same as ours. It’s not to say that they are wrong necessarily … only that we wouldn’t ‘mesh’ …. Ultimately it’s only God that can judge our actions Diane
Well said Diane, I like that, thank you.
*Hugs*
Everyone has first impressions, it’s only natural. I usually take my time to properly judge a person and I am usually always right about them. Very rarely do I “hate” someone from first meeting…but it has been known.
You mentioned about taking your time, that is a great tip, it puts the brakes on snap decisions.
Thanks Steve.
*Hugs*
Judgement is central to Christianity and should not be avoided. You cannot – repeat cannot – forgive somebody if you didn’t judge them. So judgement is non-negotiable for all humankind. Where judgement is wrong, however, is when you judge somebody to feed your ego. That is wrong.
I agree with you about the feeding your ego. Never thought about judgement and Christianity in that way though, thanks Amos. You gave me something to think about.
*Hugs*
To judge with the intention to harm, or even gossip, is not correct I think. Many people judge in order to belittle people and I think that is what Jesus was referring to. Like you, I believe it is important to judge whether or not a person will cause you or your loved ones any harm – this would be almost a survival technique that we need in order to navigate modern society.
I think you are right about what Jesus is referring to, Colline. Thanks for adding your thoughts.
*Hugs*
Interesting post, Hopestar. I think we always need to assess people, in order to interact with them meaningfully, but judgement to me, means criticism. I’m sure you know the old Cherokee Indian proverb, “Never criticise a man until you’ve walked a mile in his moccasins.” I try to remember this, but sometimes it isn’t easy to abide by. 🙂
I so understand what you mean with judgement meaning criticism.
Thanks so much ad.
*Hugs*
Hugs to you too,. 🙂
Great post! I think the best advice that you gave is in essence, Stand firm on your convictions, There is a right way and a wrong way and sometimes we just need to stand out of the way. But we must not change our beliefs just because the majority may say “Its wrong” We are only human, what gives us the right to make up the “rules”. Sometimes it really is best to keep our judgments to ourselves. But sometimes you have to stand in the gap and speak.
That makes so much sense, thanks Michael.
*Hugs*
Your post reminded me of Matthew 10:16, I send you as sheep among wolves, be shrewd as snakes and innocent as doves. My heart cries for all the times children are made to suffer because no grown up used their wits to take the child away from the person who harm it. I’m sure we are given our wits and ability to assess situations and people. There are people who will harm, and we need to keep away from them. I think in that situation being judgemental is to not allow for that person to perhaps have been ruined by forces he/she could not control. While being able to assess the danger tells us to get out of harms way. To be innocent is to take care that we do not harm others, to be shrewd is to get away, and to take any other victims with us.
As to the superficial judgements we make of each other? I think we all have our issues, sometimes a certain way of dressing or behaving is our shield to be able to handle that, or to not allow others to close to our aches. There are no such thing as a charmed life, only blessings, hope and love even in adversity. Wishing you the best for the new year! Solveig
So true Solveig. Thank you so much for adding the verse.
Wishing you a Happy New Year too 🙂
*Hugs*
I guess you are right we all judge people specially when we meet new people, even if we do not want to. We do need to form an opinion. Sometimes we don’t know enough of someone’s life to understand why they are as they are, so it is a very difficult thing. As they say “you should walk a hundred miles in their shoes before you judge.” Everyone has ahistory whihc moulds them so judging is reallly not such a great idea. Very thought provoking post Michelle!
Absolutely so, Ute. I like that quotation. 🙂
*Hugs*
I like to think we assess people when we first meet… judging; one has to know more about them… I think it is impossible to judge someone on first appearance but it is easy to sum up an assessment of what to expect… just my thoughts…
Thank you for your thoughts always Bulldog, they are much appreciated.
*Hugs*
People will always judge others, it’s a natural thing. I think judging is more when you come to your on conclusions about someone even though you don’t know the full circumstances, which normally ends up being a bad judgement. Assessing is more trying to take in all the facts and forming an opinion. I know it sort of sounds like the same thing but I think it’s still a bit different
*hugs*
Very well said TA 🙂
*Hugs*
There is a difference between discernment and judging. In both, you are evaluating a person, thing, or situation. But in the former (discernment), you are leaving yourself out of the equation as much as possible–your personal feelings, beliefs, preconceived notions–and just assessing the person, thing, or situation as objectively as possible. When you judge, you are smack-dab in the middle, using yourself and your beliefs as the measuring stick against which you decide if the person, thing, or situation is “good” or “bad.”
It’s hard (some say impossible) to remove your personal biases from your observations, but being aware of them and trying is a step away from judgment.
Thank you Lorna, now that makes a whole lot of sense!
*Hugs*
I agree with you.
Some years ago a number of bloggers took the stance that nobody had the right to judge another. I responded that it was human nature, and often a necessity, to do just that. I pointed out that the statement itself is a judgment. I was MOST unpopular.
True. It gets complicated, but the bottom line is that we are continuously judging 🙂
Thanks Col.
*Hugs*