When I don’t want help


Is it easy for you to ask for help when you need it, or do you prefer to rely only on yourself? Why?

Now that is a good question.  I ask for help on small things, for instance; I will ask my mom to do small things for me such as putting hems in the school uniforms for my girls.  The reason I ask her is two-fold; one is because I often find that there are not enough hours in the day and my mom is a very good seamstress.  She will then sit there patiently in the sun, and hand stitch the hems perfectly.

There is another reason I ask certain people small things; that is because I feel that everyone needs to be needed, and often when people reach the age of the children being all grown up and their previously hectic lives have slowed down so much, they no longer feel wanted of needed.

When it comes to my own emotional things; when I get all dark and broody – then I don’t want help.  That is when I have a desperate need to help myself.  I think when one has experienced being medicated and placed in therapy or hospitalised for this condition the realisation becomes very clear (well, to me anyway) that only I can help myself.


38 thoughts on “When I don’t want help

  1. Very thought provoking… I tend to not want to ask for help, even when I struggle, I guess my pride makes me expect help to be offered, and if not, “I’d rather do it myself!”

  2. Have to say, I’ll only ask for help if it’s something that I’m not physically able to do myself, or have not yet learnt how to. And then, only certain people. i hate owing people anything for a favour they did me!
    But I hear you on people wanting to feel needed – does make a difference if somebody asks me to help them with something – they need me and my help and if I’m able, I’ll gladly help.

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  4. Sometimes when we really do need help, we refuse to acknowledge it. But sometimes when we seriously DON’T need help, others refuse to acknowledge it. One can get really miffed with the over-helpful.

  5. I totally agree with this post. I find that I ask my family for help and only on tiny things too. I don’t ask friends for help at all, with anything at all. And indeed, when it comes to major stuff i tough it out and try to overcome on my own.

  6. Your mom sounds really nice and helping out will feel lovely to her, a lady that takes pride in her work and enjoys being a big part of your life. As for helping oneself when those melancholy feelings are felt, I can understand what you mean but then knowing that you have support from family and friends alike must be a real comfort to you.

    Have a delightfully sweet evening Michelle
    and thank you for sharing your thoughts 🙂

    Andro xxxx

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  10. I do think that helping oneself is great as it gives one a very good feeling of pride. That’s for when one succeeds. But sometimes we need a bit of help from others in order to help ourselves and we mustn’t let pride get in the way, Hope.

  11. I wish I could say that I am the kind of person that feels comfortable asking people for help, whether it be for something mundane or extreme but I cannot. My mother raised my sister and I to never ask for help or anything because we did not need charity and by no means do we ever “air our dirty laundry” because it was no one’s business. I guess you could say this was pounded into my head so hard that it has become impossible for me to ask for help with anything. My husband and I have sold or pawned off most of our possessions just to make ends meet sometimes. Mentally speaking, I am not someone who would ever ask for help even when I’m screaming for help in my head. It usually takes things getting into the extreme for someone who knows me to finally realize I need help again. I am trying to get better at it, but being from a very small east texas bible belt town and the stigma that is put on people like me, it is seriously hard and scary for me to come out and say I need help. But I’m working on it. I admire those that have the courage to do so.

  12. “The mind thinks thoughts that we don’t plan. It’s not as if we say, ‘At 9:10 I’m going to be filled with self-hatred.” ― Sharon Salzberg
    I hear what you are saying, we are not always our own best friends, but sometimes our own worst enemy…

  13. Sometimes people just can’t stop asking if another person needs help. They might be sincere in asking, anyways just say no thank you. But if you think you so needed help, there is nothing wrong to say so, after all somebody else offered.

Namaste. My soul honors your soul. I honor the place in you where the entire universe resides. I honor the light, love, truth, beauty & peace within you, because it is also within me. In sharing these things we are united, we are the same, we are one.

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