Weekly Photo Challenge: Inspiration
When the world gets too much for me, my best place to be is out in nature, hugging trees and taking photos of nature.
This is an early morning picture, way up on a mountain at Hartebeespoort Dam, South Africa. I love this photo.
The Daily Prompt: Tell us about a talent you’d love to have… but don’t.
Is being social a talent? I think so. I know many people who are very good at being social. They’re flouncing about with all the “How are you’s?” and “how do you do’s” yet never listening or caring about the answer, but still they are revered. I also know people who can turn this particular talent on and off at random. It’s all about knowing how to charm and be charming. There are those who are sincere in their friendliness and then there are those who are rather false; I’m afraid to say. That type of falsehood causes me to feel rather nauseous.
Anyway, back to the point. I am a supreme loner. In fact I think I could be crowned the queen of loner-ship. The only problem with being such a loner is that now and then I crave friendship. The friendship that is sincere and warm, but I will never get that if I continue living in my sorry loner state.
There is a problem though, and that problem is that I lack the “Social butterfly” talent. Sometimes I wish I had that talent and that I could turn it on at random…and then other times, most times, I just don’t wish that at all.
For a long time I’ve been fighting the black dog. I have blogged often enough about the black dogs. In fact, for those who don’t know, I use my blog as therapy. Over the years, I was put on antidepressants, I had to fight to not have them. I eventually sopped taking AD’s because I felt they made me quite numb and not responsive to the world around me. I thought that my quality of life would be better if I consciously fought the black dogs without the AD’s, then I would be more receptive to those around myself.
Those who visit here will know that I have had my bouts of the black dog, but I have always managed to bounce back. I did not however take into consideration that when the black dogs saw that I have possibly mastered their cunning, that they would call in the big guns, the wolves.
For the past few months the wolves have been tormenting me so much that I have not been able to write, I haven’t been able to focus on anything for terribly long. I find that in this world there is not much understanding as people need from us what they need. If we are unable to give what they need, then we will be placed at the end of the list.
Today, however, I can let some of these words and emotions out. I am medicated (lightly) at the moment, not as badly as before, but just enough to keep the nerves from jangling and to keep me closing in on myself internally. If you understand what my previous sentence means then I am grateful for the understanding, if you don’t understand, then just dismiss that.
I do not have the blues… Recurrent Major Depression has nothing to do with the blues. It is a very bad internal balance which affects my thought process, my self-respect and just everything overall.
I am not apologising for anything, I just feel the need to say. Often when I write things out, I sometimes gain wisdom from re-reading my words. It helps me look at myself objectively, and sometimes that helps me to find a way out of the dark woods and away from the wolves.
A warm thank you to all who took part over the past month. Here they are:
The New month is open. You may share as many times as you wish.
Anyone who has either visited South Africa or who lives here will know what I’m talking about when I say that the roads are in a shocking condition. One of the roads I travel on every day is a hit and miss affair. One has to pay extra attention to the holes in the road if you don’t want a flat by driving right into one of them. Surprisingly, one of these are being fixed.
My youngest daughter, who has just turned nine, and I were driving along on one of these roads. We were discussing the way the road is being tarred. She thought they were doing it properly, and I thought it was just not up to scratch. So, her and I were having a little friendly debate about this. I started my next sentence by saying “well, in my humble opinion…” She stopped me right there and said “Mom, you’re allowed to have opinions about anything, but the thing is, your opinion is not always that humble.” I was totally floored. It caused me to think about how my opinions are truly not humble that sometimes my opinions are quite arrogant.
My little daughter, whom I see as an old soul, has taught me quite a few lessons so far in her beautiful nine years. I thought I’d share one of them with you.