Sometimes, I have to get some things off my chest – Please forgive me.
I often blog about my children, mostly the good parts and often I get lovely comments about that…but in truth, I battle with one of my children. I find it heart breaking and very sad.
I also am told that I am a nice person… but in truth, I cant keep friends, people want to distance themselves from me. The word “distance” is a very painful word for me – and yet its obvious that they have hoards of friends, but I just don’t cut it…
In truth…that is how it is – Please don’t tell me we all have that, I know we do, I’m just saying.
I have two good friends, and often wonder why the phone doesn’t ring, there are no knocks at the door. this is the biggest reason I have little confidence as I just know there has to be something wrong with me. I always ponder on what i do wrong, is it my looks, what i say. why don’t i have that circle of friends like I always hear about
I know the feeling, terry.
*hugs to you*
There are different levels of friendship, Hope. Hoards of friends isn’t necessarily a good thing. They could be shallow friends = here today and gone tomorrow. Good friendships last and good friends are loyal friends.
Yes, I understand adee. I don’t really want hoards of friends, Its just that sometimes I am looking for acceptance and don’t understand when I don’t get it…and then I go and turn it all inward.
*Hugs*
Here’s a hug from one mom to another – hug! xo
Blessings ~ Wendy
Thank you Wendy, I need that understanding “one mom to another” hug today
*hugs to you*
Heita Meisie, five friends are worth a zillion times more than a 1000 acquaintances.
Oh, I hope you see the old man as a true friend.
I do Newsy, you are a sweetheart and always have been, thank you.
*hugs*
Sometimes we need to say it so that we know it is okay. Have a wonderful day despite the people who don’t look closer for the person you are.
Thank you Colline, saying it does help.
*hugs*
Not much to say really.
There will always be 1 kid that does not quite conform.
As for friends, me, I don’t even have any. Only the people that reads my blogs. My bloggie friends as you call us.
Must say, that works well for me, not having physical people to deal with all the time. They can get so time consuming!
But, just because you’re having an off day, here’s something I rarely do – (((((((HUG))))))
Be well Esperanza!
Thanks ghiatjie – thank heavens for my bloggy friends. It was a very bad off day and I appreciate the hug. Turning in on myself is something I tend to do well.
*hugs*
Michelle, you are a nice person and admirable , so honest about yourself and so open. Don’t worry aobut hoards of friends, I think every person has friends but real friends you can rely on can be counted on one hand. Also we all have battles with our offspring at one stage or another.. I found some stages very hard too and wondered if I am doing the right thing. I would say it is age rlated of the children…. and they see in the end that we do try our best. As long as you do and try your best, you are doing the right thing! Love is the most important thing! Big hug from me!
Thank you so much Ute. I am not really looking for hoards of friends, just acceptance sometimes. The offspring problem has a lot to do with age as you said…thank you for your kind words.
Listening …
[[[huge hugs of understanding]]]
thank you for the understanding Harmony.
*Huge hugs to you too*
Now you’ve said it.. do you feel any better.?? I hope so cause I want to say in every family there will always be one to test the stamina of a parent…
I felt awful after saying it too, but saying it did help eventually, Bulldog. I do have that one who tests my parent stamina – in a big way on some days.
*hugs*
Hugs , I understand your words rightly! And you are a lovely person ! All people do experience what you told, but may not be that frank as U
I do wear my heart on my sleeve a little too much at times. Thank you for your kind words.
*hugs*
It would be great if read my latest short work Final Destination
Strange thing about friends…I have had more at certain times of my life and few or none at others depending on my situation, where I was living, what I was doing at the time, even though I was basically pretty much the same person. What I take away from this is to just be myself and do what makes me happy and not worry too much about the other stuff.
I mostly am a loner and have a loner attitude, but some days I seek acceptance (don’t know why)….but you are right, not worrying about the stuff and making oneself happy is the answer.
*hugs*
It sounds like you’re having a down day, hope you feel better for writing your feelings and reading all the positive feedback. I just have one thing to add too – I have only ‘known’ you for a short while but you seem to me to be a caring, sensitive person, don’t blame yourself for how anyone else acts.
Thank you for your kind words lena. I am better today and you are right, how others act is not my fault.
*hugs*
Won’t try to give any advice but just know that your blogging friends want nothing more than to stay close to you.
Thank you so much for saying that.
*hugs to you*
Hugs
Thanks for the hugs
*hugs*
Hugs, I’m not sure what the first part (kids) has to do with the second (friends). As for the first, you cannot judge a relationship until it is over. They may yet turn out to be your closest child as you both age. As for the second, it is better to have (and be) one true friend than to have many less true friends. Sometimes, that one true friend can only be yourself… and that’s okay, too.
Thanks km. The two subjects aren’t really related, it just the two things that were chewing at me at that moment.
About the friends part, mostly I am a loner, now and then for some unknown reason I seek acceptance and am very hard on myself when that old cycle of me not fitting in shows its ugly head. I am over it today.
Thank you for your kind words.
*hugs*
Very harsh on yourself, aren’t you? Honestly? The older you get, the less friends you have – simply because you start seeing people for what they are. And often the picture isn’t flattering.
Yep. I’m guessing the picture of myself is not that flattering then.
*hugs*
Don’t be so hard on yourself – you have a special kindness that must never get lost because other people are short-sighted… Protect it well, Huggs, it’s your special gift…
You, Dear Hope, are one of the few friends that I have and on top of it, one of the few friends who stays loyal. I have had a few, but man have they hurt me. Now I stick to those I know understand me as I understand them. You are so open about your feelings and at times I envy this openess and wish I could really be as open as you are. Dont ever change Girl, you are who you are and that is why we love you. You are always in my thoughts, even when I cant get to leave you messages or chat, just remember that. Tons of Blossalicious love and hugs
You are truly one in a million, blossie…I had to get a tissue when I read what you wrote.
Love you.
*hugs*
xx
I think you are not alone in what you are thinking or saying
You are right Ruth…thank you.
*hugs*
I think most of us feel the way you do some time or the other.. It’s just that not everyone wants to accept it out in the open.. And regarding friends look how many wonderful relationships you have out here.. So obviously you cut out for lot of people. You don’t need to worry about the others.. It’s their loss if they don’t include you into their circle.
Sending some smiles your way for a wonderful day and an even better weekend ahead!
Thank you muZer…you are so kind.
*hugs*
Having kids will always be tough. When they were born their personal manual was torn up and thrown away! And it is quite strange how one kid in a family always seems to be the one sent to test you out.
As to friends – I have very few real friends, and those I have I treasure with all I have. My wife on the other hands has plenty of real friends who have been friends since primary schools days. These friends of hers are more like family (albeit a large one at that.) and at one stage I used to wonder why it was that I didnt even have any contact with people who had been with me in school or the army while she had so many friends. I came to the conclusion that it was largely my fault in that when I was younger I must have been a total pain to people around me. I had an attitude and just didnt want to allow people close to me. Today I realise my mistake and that is why I look after my few existing friends.
Hope that you are feeling better, and that soon you will find a true friend that wants to be your friend for who and what you are.
Thanks Paul, I do feel better today. Your wife sounds like one of those types that I admire and also I realize that I don’t have “friends” because I am a very difficult person…thank heavens for those who do have time for me.
*hugs*
Sometimes we need to say it so that we know it is okay. Have a wonderful day despite the people who don’t look closer for the person you are.”It is also my opinion have nice weekend
Thanks Stefan, lovely weekend to you too
*husg*
Hope I also tend to be a bit of a loner, just don’t need to be around people all the time and have to consciously make an effort to keep in touch, it does not come naturally to me. I also have few really good friends and I think it’s my own doing. I would not worry about it too much, concentrate on the friends that you have a good relationship with but also try and reach out to others.
My sympathy with your problems with your child, been there, done that, got the entire wardrobe never mind the t-shirt. Kids push your buttons and I think they enjoy knowing that they have the power to really upset their parents even if they are not proud of their behaviour. It’s all part of growing up.
You’re right about the kids, optie.
I consider myself quite a loner too, but every now and then I venture out of that loner zone – I know better, but I do that…silly of me really.
*hugs to you*
You are a strong and resilient woman, your strength is apparent. The friend thing? We could be sisters…weird. In an odd way I find it comforting to know there are more people out there like this. Don’t be too hard on your self, there is a line-up behind you waiting to break your fall.
Sorry about the hard time you are having with one of your kids, I have been there as well. Some days we just want to stand in the closet and scream.
Always remember you are not alone in any of this….. have a great day
Thank you for your comforting words Marilyn …
*hugs*
Such a simple but touching post I probably shouldn’t be smiling, but reading such honestly and clarity makes me happy. Accepting a difficult truth is always better than lying to ourselves.
With friends it’s obviously a matter of quality over quantity, if people don’t want to spend time with you then they are simply leaving space for those who will, or space for you to fully enjoy spending quality time with yourself. As for the kids, we have to accept that those related to us are people too. Sure we have a familial bond but in the end people who have different or conflicting interests and opinions will naturally have trouble getting along, family or not. This can be hard to accept.
I send hugs and good vibes You take care!!
Rohan.
Thank you for your kind words and also for those good vibes, Rohan.
*hugs*
We all go through life with acquaintances they seem like friends at the time however, when times get tough they are just dust in the wind…a true friend is a rare commodity and someone who will withstand the test of time. If you can use two hands to count them this is extremely rare…most people can only state that they have fingers left over on their one hand…Perhaps it is my age, after a while this fact will not bother you any more. As for fighting with your child…it is a personality conflict and a growing experience for both of you…something you will both live through. Again age is here telling you it will pass. If they are not on drugs, are not in prison, are in school regularly, and are not committing crimes you have done your job even though you might not feel like it right now. As long as they feel loved that is all that matters. The rest will find a way of working itself out.
I agree with your view on friends and children…just every now and then I let these things get me down…
*hugs*
I along with many here accept you as you are…the more I read your blog the more I sense a compassionate and caring soul. Here is another {{{HUG}}} for you. Patty
Thank you so much, Patty…
*hugs*
Darling *hugs* I agree with ‘muZer’ people that don’t want to be your friend are the
losers. You know that all the clever people say you must love yourself before others
can love you. I have had very dear friends all of them has been my friends
for more than 40 years. All but one has moved away, one died, but I never thought
not for a moment that they did not love me. You must not doubt your children or your
friends, never ever. Youre a clever, beautiful woman, but you can be as clever as Merlin,
it is quite impossible to always see eye to eye with your daugther. There I can give you
advice, I have one daughter and most of the time we feel the same about things, if and
when we differ, we never walk away without clearing the air. That is the most important
thing in any relationship. To say ‘come and give me a hug’, or ‘put on the kettle’, is as
important as breathing. Don’t worry about your daughter, I am sure that everything is
fine already. Love yourself, you are good and beautiful and everyone loves you. xxx
Thank you for your advice, Rita. I really appreciate it..and you are so right.
*hugs*
*hugs* I “get” you. Some people just suck, that’s all. Let them go, bye-bye, only kind and compassionate people need apply.
I completely agree, art.
*hugs*
.I won’t tell you that. What I will tell you is that you always have a friend in me and I think I have one in you. Smile…and know that, you may argue with the child, but I know you love him/her.
Scott
Thank you Scott, you are so kind and yes, you do have a friend in me too.
*hugs*
I have two good friends, and often wonder why the phone doesn’t ring, there are no knocks at the door. this is the biggest reason I have little confidence as I just know there has to be something wrong with me. I always ponder on what i do wrong, is it my looks, what i say. why don’t i have that circle of friends like I always hear about
I know the feeling, terry.
*hugs to you*
There are different levels of friendship, Hope. Hoards of friends isn’t necessarily a good thing. They could be shallow friends = here today and gone tomorrow. Good friendships last and good friends are loyal friends.
Yes, I understand adee. I don’t really want hoards of friends, Its just that sometimes I am looking for acceptance and don’t understand when I don’t get it…and then I go and turn it all inward.
*Hugs*
Here’s a hug from one mom to another – hug! xo
Blessings ~ Wendy
Thank you Wendy, I need that understanding “one mom to another” hug today
*hugs to you*
Heita Meisie, five friends are worth a zillion times more than a 1000 acquaintances.
Oh, I hope you see the old man as a true friend.
I do Newsy, you are a sweetheart and always have been, thank you.
*hugs*
Sometimes we need to say it so that we know it is okay. Have a wonderful day despite the people who don’t look closer for the person you are.
Thank you Colline, saying it does help.
*hugs*
Not much to say really.
There will always be 1 kid that does not quite conform.
As for friends, me, I don’t even have any. Only the people that reads my blogs. My bloggie friends as you call us.
Must say, that works well for me, not having physical people to deal with all the time. They can get so time consuming!
But, just because you’re having an off day, here’s something I rarely do – (((((((HUG))))))
Be well Esperanza!
Thanks ghiatjie – thank heavens for my bloggy friends. It was a very bad off day and I appreciate the hug. Turning in on myself is something I tend to do well.
*hugs*
Michelle, you are a nice person and admirable , so honest about yourself and so open. Don’t worry aobut hoards of friends, I think every person has friends but real friends you can rely on can be counted on one hand. Also we all have battles with our offspring at one stage or another.. I found some stages very hard too and wondered if I am doing the right thing. I would say it is age rlated of the children…. and they see in the end that we do try our best. As long as you do and try your best, you are doing the right thing! Love is the most important thing! Big hug from me!
Thank you so much Ute. I am not really looking for hoards of friends, just acceptance sometimes. The offspring problem has a lot to do with age as you said…thank you for your kind words.
Listening …
[[[huge hugs of understanding]]]
thank you for the understanding Harmony.
*Huge hugs to you too*
Now you’ve said it.. do you feel any better.?? I hope so cause I want to say in every family there will always be one to test the stamina of a parent…
I felt awful after saying it too, but saying it did help eventually, Bulldog. I do have that one who tests my parent stamina – in a big way on some days.
*hugs*
Hugs , I understand your words rightly! And you are a lovely person ! All people do experience what you told, but may not be that frank as U
I do wear my heart on my sleeve a little too much at times. Thank you for your kind words.
*hugs*
Reblogged this on cftc10.
Thank you.
*hugs*
Strange thing about friends…I have had more at certain times of my life and few or none at others depending on my situation, where I was living, what I was doing at the time, even though I was basically pretty much the same person. What I take away from this is to just be myself and do what makes me happy and not worry too much about the other stuff.
I mostly am a loner and have a loner attitude, but some days I seek acceptance (don’t know why)….but you are right, not worrying about the stuff and making oneself happy is the answer.
*hugs*
It sounds like you’re having a down day, hope you feel better for writing your feelings and reading all the positive feedback. I just have one thing to add too – I have only ‘known’ you for a short while but you seem to me to be a caring, sensitive person, don’t blame yourself for how anyone else acts.
Thank you for your kind words lena. I am better today and you are right, how others act is not my fault.
*hugs*
Won’t try to give any advice but just know that your blogging friends want nothing more than to stay close to you.
Thank you so much for saying that.
*hugs to you*
Hugs
Thanks for the hugs
*hugs*
Hugs, I’m not sure what the first part (kids) has to do with the second (friends). As for the first, you cannot judge a relationship until it is over. They may yet turn out to be your closest child as you both age. As for the second, it is better to have (and be) one true friend than to have many less true friends. Sometimes, that one true friend can only be yourself… and that’s okay, too.
Thanks km. The two subjects aren’t really related, it just the two things that were chewing at me at that moment.
About the friends part, mostly I am a loner, now and then for some unknown reason I seek acceptance and am very hard on myself when that old cycle of me not fitting in shows its ugly head. I am over it today.
Thank you for your kind words.
*hugs*
Very harsh on yourself, aren’t you? Honestly? The older you get, the less friends you have – simply because you start seeing people for what they are. And often the picture isn’t flattering.
Yep. I’m guessing the picture of myself is not that flattering then.
*hugs*
Don’t be so hard on yourself – you have a special kindness that must never get lost because other people are short-sighted… Protect it well, Huggs, it’s your special gift…
You, Dear Hope, are one of the few friends that I have and on top of it, one of the few friends who stays loyal. I have had a few, but man have they hurt me. Now I stick to those I know understand me as I understand them. You are so open about your feelings and at times I envy this openess and wish I could really be as open as you are. Dont ever change Girl, you are who you are and that is why we love you. You are always in my thoughts, even when I cant get to leave you messages or chat, just remember that. Tons of Blossalicious love and hugs
You are truly one in a million, blossie…I had to get a tissue when I read what you wrote.
Love you.
*hugs*
xx
I think you are not alone in what you are thinking or saying
You are right Ruth…thank you.
*hugs*
I think most of us feel the way you do some time or the other.. It’s just that not everyone wants to accept it out in the open.. And regarding friends look how many wonderful relationships you have out here.. So obviously you cut out for lot of people. You don’t need to worry about the others.. It’s their loss if they don’t include you into their circle.
Sending some smiles your way for a wonderful day and an even better weekend ahead!
Thank you muZer…you are so kind.
*hugs*
Having kids will always be tough. When they were born their personal manual was torn up and thrown away! And it is quite strange how one kid in a family always seems to be the one sent to test you out.
As to friends – I have very few real friends, and those I have I treasure with all I have. My wife on the other hands has plenty of real friends who have been friends since primary schools days. These friends of hers are more like family (albeit a large one at that.) and at one stage I used to wonder why it was that I didnt even have any contact with people who had been with me in school or the army while she had so many friends. I came to the conclusion that it was largely my fault in that when I was younger I must have been a total pain to people around me. I had an attitude and just didnt want to allow people close to me. Today I realise my mistake and that is why I look after my few existing friends.
Hope that you are feeling better, and that soon you will find a true friend that wants to be your friend for who and what you are.
Thanks Paul, I do feel better today. Your wife sounds like one of those types that I admire and also I realize that I don’t have “friends” because I am a very difficult person…thank heavens for those who do have time for me.
*hugs*
Sometimes we need to say it so that we know it is okay. Have a wonderful day despite the people who don’t look closer for the person you are.”It is also my opinion have nice weekend
Thanks Stefan, lovely weekend to you too
*husg*
Hope I also tend to be a bit of a loner, just don’t need to be around people all the time and have to consciously make an effort to keep in touch, it does not come naturally to me. I also have few really good friends and I think it’s my own doing. I would not worry about it too much, concentrate on the friends that you have a good relationship with but also try and reach out to others.
My sympathy with your problems with your child, been there, done that, got the entire wardrobe never mind the t-shirt. Kids push your buttons and I think they enjoy knowing that they have the power to really upset their parents even if they are not proud of their behaviour. It’s all part of growing up.
You’re right about the kids, optie.
I consider myself quite a loner too, but every now and then I venture out of that loner zone – I know better, but I do that…silly of me really.
*hugs to you*
You are a strong and resilient woman, your strength is apparent. The friend thing? We could be sisters…weird. In an odd way I find it comforting to know there are more people out there like this. Don’t be too hard on your self, there is a line-up behind you waiting to break your fall.
Sorry about the hard time you are having with one of your kids, I have been there as well. Some days we just want to stand in the closet and scream.
Always remember you are not alone in any of this….. have a great day
Thank you for your comforting words Marilyn …
*hugs*
Such a simple but touching post
I probably shouldn’t be smiling, but reading such honestly and clarity makes me happy. Accepting a difficult truth is always better than lying to ourselves.
With friends it’s obviously a matter of quality over quantity, if people don’t want to spend time with you then they are simply leaving space for those who will, or space for you to fully enjoy spending quality time with yourself. As for the kids, we have to accept that those related to us are people too. Sure we have a familial bond but in the end people who have different or conflicting interests and opinions will naturally have trouble getting along, family or not. This can be hard to accept.
I send hugs and good vibes
You take care!!
Rohan.
Thank you for your kind words and also for those good vibes, Rohan.
*hugs*
We all go through life with acquaintances they seem like friends at the time however, when times get tough they are just dust in the wind…a true friend is a rare commodity and someone who will withstand the test of time. If you can use two hands to count them this is extremely rare…most people can only state that they have fingers left over on their one hand…Perhaps it is my age, after a while this fact will not bother you any more. As for fighting with your child…it is a personality conflict and a growing experience for both of you…something you will both live through. Again age is here telling you it will pass. If they are not on drugs, are not in prison, are in school regularly, and are not committing crimes you have done your job even though you might not feel like it right now. As long as they feel loved that is all that matters. The rest will find a way of working itself out.
I agree with your view on friends and children…just every now and then I let these things get me down…
*hugs*
I along with many here accept you as you are…the more I read your blog the more I sense a compassionate and caring soul. Here is another {{{HUG}}} for you. Patty
Thank you so much, Patty…
*hugs*
Darling *hugs* I agree with ‘muZer’ people that don’t want to be your friend are the
losers. You know that all the clever people say you must love yourself before others
can love you. I have had very dear friends all of them has been my friends
for more than 40 years. All but one has moved away, one died, but I never thought
not for a moment that they did not love me. You must not doubt your children or your
friends, never ever. Youre a clever, beautiful woman, but you can be as clever as Merlin,
it is quite impossible to always see eye to eye with your daugther. There I can give you
advice, I have one daughter and most of the time we feel the same about things, if and
when we differ, we never walk away without clearing the air. That is the most important
thing in any relationship. To say ‘come and give me a hug’, or ‘put on the kettle’, is as
important as breathing. Don’t worry about your daughter, I am sure that everything is
fine already. Love yourself, you are good and beautiful and everyone loves you. xxx
Thank you for your advice, Rita. I really appreciate it..and you are so right.
*hugs*
*hugs* I “get” you. Some people just suck, that’s all. Let them go, bye-bye, only kind and compassionate people need apply.
I completely agree, art.
*hugs*
.I won’t tell you that. What I will tell you is that you always have a friend in me and I think I have one in you. Smile…and know that, you may argue with the child, but I know you love him/her.
Scott
Thank you Scott, you are so kind and yes, you do have a friend in me too.
*hugs*