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Daily Prompt: Helpless

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Daily PromptHelplessness: that dull, sick feeling of not being the one

 at the reins. When did you last feel like that –- and what did you do about it?

♥♦♥

I have never hidden the fact that I suffer from Recurrent Major Depression.  At first I was embarrassed about it, but not anymore. There is a stigma attached, but that does not bother me the way it used to.

I go through waves of being “normal” and then I will go into a very dark and scary dip.  It’s as though my brain turns into a very bouncy rubber ball which bounces incessantly on the walls of a very dark room.  It will bounce here and there, never stopping in a sort of slow motion, and I do not know which way it will bounce next.  That is my helpless time, my hopeless time.  My time that I know I have to reach out.  Those are the times that I write the darkness here on my blog.  Some people don’t like it, but it’s the only way I know to help myself out of my helplessness.

Surprisingly, I am strong person when not in the dark room.  I can take the bull by the horns and sort life out …it’s just those bouncy, helpless, hopeless moments that scare me the most.

Today I am fine though…

*hugs*

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98 thoughts on “Daily Prompt: Helpless

  1. I, too, suffer from Major Depression among a multitude of mental and physical ailments. I used to be a strong person, but life has slowly deteriorated my strength to a mushy ball of pulp. I am recovering a bit now, seeing a psychiatrist and a counselor, and hopefully we’ve found the correct blend of medications.

    • I hope you do get a good balance of meds. It can take a little trial and error as far as meds go but I think you’ve been there and know that already. I hope things get better for you soon.
      *sending you warm hugs*

  2. Heita girl, take no note of the negative people. They probably have nothing other criticize to do in their own miserable lives. You just keep on blogging – bright blogs or dark blogs I do not care – it is your blogs i want to read.

  3. I am glad you are fine today and I deeply understand that hopeless, helpless feeling in that dark room. I have been there and done that. As I have said many times, I do thank God for waking me up with the stroke and for the changes it has made in my emotional being…depression seems to be gone, at least, the major kind.
    Please write whatever you need to write to help yourself out of that dark place.
    Scott

  4. Last year, during CBT, I discovered the song of Lady GaGa “I was born this way”. When people ask me about mental issue, I sing this song and dance away. That shut them up. Keep on writing hugs, dark or not.

  5. I really feel for you, Hope, although I don’t really understand, but I can imagine how it could feel. We love your blog and understand that it helps you by writing your feelings. It also gives us more insight into what you are going through. ♥

  6. I’ve been in that dark place too. Many years ago, I suffered a major depression brought on by my father’s death and I described it as being in a deep, dark, black hole. The grip was powerful and wouldn’t let me go for the longest time. It was indeed one of the most helpless feelings I’ve ever had in my life. I liked your description of the bouncy rubber ball bouncing off the wall in slow motion. I identified with that totally. I am glad writing helps you….. you keep writing away!

  7. What an absolutely darling picture you posted! I love anything vintage or Victorian. I am glad you are having a good day. I have experienced very deep depressions in my younger years… I found it so hard to believe I would ever feel good again when I was in the midst of it. If they ever come back I will tell my doctor as she is so kind and helpful. Good on you for doing what you need to do to be healthy. Hugs!

    Blessings ~ Wendy

  8. It’s hard to imagine those really dark days you have, Hopestar. I know we all have days when we feel rather down, and even sometimes that the ‘Sword of Damocles’ is hanging right over our heads. I’m so glad today is a good day for you. Hugs to you. :)

  9. I have seen it in my own immediate family, and truly sympathize with your feelings. Seems like it is always around the corner, often without warning. Making for a challenging time when it happens, then away again till another day. I will stay positive for you Hope! You seem like someone who has a warm light at the core of your being to help keep the darkness away when ever you can. Thanks for your wonderful posts.

  10. I’ve got depression, too. And thought I had it under control until recently when I found out that was the furthest thing from the truth. It’s tough sometimes, being a person you know you’re not supposed to be and not being able to do much about it. But I’m trying…

  11. During my 13 years of depression it was an out of control and hopeless time, I know exactly what you mean and my heart goes out to you. I think it is one of the reasons I read your blog, I relate so much to those painful dark room days. But I also enjoy your thoughtful perspective on so many topics. I hope some day the bubble will pop and you will fly in the bright light of life. Thank you for sharing so honestly your struggle. I was ashamed too, it only makes it worse with the “snap out of it” attitude.

  12. Reading through all of the responses, I am moved that so many are open with their experiences, with depression. As many have previously stated, I have been there too, and at the time, pulled away from everyone else. That is not the thing to do! I am glad that today you are ok and I hope that feeling continues. Thank you for sharing.

  13. I struggled with depression almost my whole life and finally did overcome it when I was 41, but since my menopauze I have to deal with it again. It’s difficult to deal with the mood swings sometimes, you never know how you feel and it costs a lot of energy. I learnt one thing of it, to enjoy the good days and make the best of it :)

  14. I feel you, being a fellow manic depressive. The good days are the ones I try to focus on when the dark begins to creep through the cracks. Still not mastered it, and I know I never will, but I can never give up on hope. And big claps for not hiding your illness. :)

  15. Pingback: Daily Prompt: Helpless « Inspire the Idea

  16. I suspect I get just a bit of a taste of depression when the dark and dreary days linger here. I suppose I’m really lucky knowing that I’ll be fine again once the sun returns. I can only imagine how it must be to feel this way more often and more deeply. Hang in there. Perhaps someday they’ll find a magic pill to smooth out these imbalances.

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  18. Everyone has dark moments and everyone goes through a rough patch. Few acknowledge while others don’t. I wish you well and hope you never feel helpless! Keep the smile going and write whatever you feel like. I’ll read for sure! :-)

  19. beautiful blog and your honesty and strength is admirable!Thank you for sharing. I have learned that being positive or trying to be is all that really matters and by doing so little miracles can happen every day in our lives..

  20. Hope, I’m sorry you have to go through that, and I pray that one day soon, you would never have to worry about it or suffer through it again. I think you’re a remarkable woman, and it’s awesome that you are able to speak out about it, because it is nothing to be ashamed of.

    Much love,
    Cheryl

  21. Love and prayers! I love your honesty and how you aren’t embarrassed any more because of it. Yay! I believe you have helped others in a big way, when you write, no matter whether it’s a time of depression or not. You inspire us!

  22. I liken depression to a swimming pool, diving in the deep end and seeing the light, but not able to come up. I have suffered from depression for about 30 years, but have got to the stage where I deal with it. I am on anti depressants, have been for years, and I pray…a lot. But when it hits me all I can do is get into my bed and cry and wait for it to eventually pass. And pass it does. Blogging has also helped me at my ultimate worst times.

  23. I am sorry you have to suffer through the dark days and if we can all be of support to you then by all means write away! I know a few dear friends who also suffer depression, and if by your writing you can help someone else going through this then I think you are doing a worthwhile thing. Your writing is indeed authentic and when it come from deep within it touches many of us. Blessings and hugs ~ Patty

  24. ..I can understand that so well ..I’ve been through psychotherapy a few years ago after having struggled with that depression for years, starting when I was 15 or so. Sometimes that darkness comes back..other times it’s ok and I’m strong for most of the day ..It’s good that you can let it out here on your blog. I even think that’s what a blog should be for ..just “catch” all of your feelings and thoughts, bright or dark – it can be a relief to write it down and perhaps even find there are people out there who feel the same ..

    • I notice here on blogs that there are quite a few people who are either struggling with depression at the moment or have been through depression previously themselves so there is a lot of understanding. Blogging really does help. I like what you said about the blog catching all the feelings.
      *hugs to you*

  25. I appreciate your words, and your honesty, more than I can say. I could spend all night writing a response, but I’ll nip the urge, and just say that although I continue to claim God’s healing/deliverance from life-long major depression–there are still days when it sneaks back for just a brief spell. Typically, it’s more of an annoyance now, than anything more concerning–but recently there were a couple nights when I had to just go to bed early, to escape the destructive thoughts. So, it is disconcerting, to say the least–and I strongly support people speaking up, rather than hiding, or denying. The illness is bad enough, but the unrelenting stigma promotes the alienation and imprisonment. I’ve been encouraging women to just say so, when they’ve got the blues–and discover that the world does not end, as the words leave their lips! It’s wonderful to have a safe community of support here, in some of the blogs. God bless you, dear heart!

    • Thank you so much for your thoughts Caddo, I appreciate the understanding so much. I can relate to having to go to bed early just to escape. The more open we are about depression the more I think the stigma will gradually fade.
      *hugs*

  26. Darkness…light…what’s important is that you tell your truth. Keep writing, no matter what. I, too, have suffered from moderate to severe chronic depression plus seasonal affective disorder, so I hear you, loud and clear. I’m out of it now, but that’s another story. There are jewels to be plucked even in the darkness ;-)

  27. I can feel the same way as you do, up, down, all around.

    As Lynyrd Skynyrd sang,
    “I’ve been up, I’ve been down, I’ve been kicked to the ground, But I can’t get my mind off of you.
    So I keep on movin’ on to a place I belong, Hopin’ you wanted me too.
    I’m better than I was before I’m knocking at your door
    I’m coming back for more ”

    And that, in a lyric, is why I love Lynyrd Skynyrd, they sing about real life, about the struggles we go through. But that’s another story, for another blog, and another time. Your post inspires me. Thanks.

      • Nice to seem I’m not the only one who blogs for therapy, though what started off in that vein has seemingly turned into me writing about anything and everything at the moment. Well, I get up and down inspiration to write that sort of stuff, so I gotta fill in the blanks somehow :)
        And cheers for the hugs, *hugs* back on this was-sunny-now-cloudy Monday :)

  28. Stigma in this day and age is ridiculous. I know it exists, but hopefully times are changing for the better. Art helps and heal. Keep blogging and writing, cooking, sketching, singing……;)

  29. Pingback: My World: My Life – My Own Personal Grave Digger (Daily Prompt) | Dibbler Dabbler

“Friendship is born at that moment when one man says to another: "What! You too? I thought that no one but myself . . ."” C.S. Lewis, The Four Loves

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