DP Challenege: Have you ever made a New Year’s Resolution that you kept?
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Yes I have, well to the best of my ability…
One year, it dawned on me that I was always being what others want me to be. I suppose it became a habit having grown up with a very domineering father and always acting and being how he wanted me to be. I had learnt that there would be great punishment for not adhering to the rules and regulations of the house. So I became a very scared, terrified little puppet on a string. I watched certain people’s every move, every expression so that I would know what my appropriate behavior had to be, otherwise I would have landed in trouble. I was not allowed to show happiness if I was happy about anything, I was not allowed to cry … I can’t tell you.
I then entered my “grown up” life still being a puppet, always filled with fear in case I accidentally evoked anger…but as I said, it actually dawned on me that I was allowed to cry if I was sad, I was allowed to be happy and show happiness if I wanted to and most of all I was allowed to not be angry when the normal human reaction to petty things would be anger.
I decided that people could go ahead and think of me as weak or too soft or whatever it is they think. I am soft, always have been, always will be, but I am not weak. I cry easily, feel compassion quickly, take pity easily and I wear my heart on my sleeve … Every now and then my old habits show their nasty little faces and I forget that I unhooked those puppet strings when I resolved this problem.
This resolution, I live and try my hardest to adhere to everyday of my life.
“I am allowed to be who I am”