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Daily Prompt: Resolved

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DP Challenege: Have you ever made a New Year’s Resolution that you kept?

♥ ♦ ♥

Yes I have, well to the best of my ability…

One year, it dawned on me that I was always being what others want me to be.  I suppose it became a habit having grown up with a very domineering father and always acting and being how he wanted me to be.  I had learnt that there would be great punishment for not adhering to the rules and regulations of the house.  So I became a very scared, terrified little puppet on a string.  I watched certain people’s every move, every expression so that I would know what my appropriate behavior had to be, otherwise I would have landed in trouble.   I was not allowed to show happiness if I was happy about anything, I was not allowed to cry … I can’t tell you.

I then entered my “grown up” life still being a puppet, always filled with fear in case I accidentally evoked anger…but as I said, it actually dawned on me that I was allowed to cry if I was sad, I was allowed to be happy and show happiness if I wanted to and most of all I was allowed to not be angry when the normal human reaction to petty things would be anger.

I decided that people could go ahead and think of me as weak or too soft or whatever it is they think.  I am soft, always have been, always will be, but I am not weak.  I cry easily, feel compassion quickly, take pity easily and I wear my heart on my sleeve …   Every now and then my old habits show their nasty little faces and I forget that I unhooked those puppet strings when I resolved this problem.

This resolution, I live and try my hardest to adhere to everyday of my life.

“I am allowed to be who I am”

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58 thoughts on “Daily Prompt: Resolved

  1. I can identify with you. The most important piece of advice I received from my mom’s best friend I think you have already learned. She reminded me when I was 20 something that, although my dad had controlled my life when I was a child, I was no longer a child, and I determined what happened to me now. You are making a success out of your life. Enjoy your success! :) Lots of love and best wishes for 2013. Marsha :)

  2. Stay as that, you are fantastic and wearing your heart on your sleeve is good and showing emotions now that you can. You are yourself and you need to be like that. Lovely post!

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  4. Best resolution I have heard – you and I were so very much alike when younger, I think. I have always had deep trouble saying or doing anything to upset anyone. I was always watching every word I said and everything I did.
    The stroke changed all of that drastically, and I love it. (oh my, I shouldn’t have said that…lol)
    Scott

  5. I keep on saying to myself “What you think of me is not my business. Who cares” And it stuck. And yes, you are allowed permission not required. :D

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  7. And so you are blessed with the most important treasure of all, a sensitive, caring, sharing and selfless heart! That is your wealth, and it is an extremely beautiful gift! You feel deeply and that makes you wonderfully beautiful as a whole! Please be yourself always…that is the one i have always seen deep within your words…the one who i always love to embrace spiritually from afar! Much love to you always my dear sister!

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“Friendship is born at that moment when one man says to another: "What! You too? I thought that no one but myself . . ."” C.S. Lewis, The Four Loves

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