Reading the above really sent me on a huge thought trip. I didn’t actually quite know where my thoughts would end on this one.
Imagine accepting apologies from people who owe you an apology, but who would never actually give the apology – the apology would only be in your mind.
So my thoughts drifted here:
He is standing in front of me and he says:
“I am so sorry for what I did to you”
I feel no fear, because the intimidating attitude is missing. The sardonic laughter in his eyes when he commented about the things he did to me is gone too.
I ask the one question which has been on my lips and mind for years upon years:
“I don’t know why I was so cruel, why I despised you so much, but I had a need to punish you”
“Do you owe other girls/women apologies too or was it only me?” I will ask…
He will then give me the answer, whatever that answer will be.
But this mind role play is not working for me, because I don’t want a pretend apology … It’s got to be real and that will never happen.
*head in hands, tissues*
Why did I let my thoughts go there.
I wish I knew how to forgive this man …